What’s the Problem with Promiscuity?
Earlier today I’ve been looking at my old photo albums from about 7-8 years ago. Then I was in my twenties and just started working in a summer resort called Sunnybeach. I remember the very first time I went out with the other girls from work. We went into the club and immediately at least 10 men looked at us. We were all young and beautiful, dressed up, hair done, make up, high heels and sexy clothing. This is how I looked as well, this is how I wanted to look, the way I wanted to be, the impression I wanted to leave, the confidence I wanted to show. And this very first night out I realized that actually is not that difficult to get men’s attention. It was in fact so easy, I just needed to look at the guy I liked and innocently smile and usually 2 minutes later he was already getting me a drink and asking me about my name. It was so easy to feel important, to feel someone who men like, to feel worth, to feel beautiful, to feel unique, to feel powerful over men, to gain control and just have every guy I want to like me. This is who I wanted to be, the way I wanted to be. And I was very good at that. Anytime I felt lonely or didn’t want to go home to my room alone I could just go out and find someone nice to feel like who I wanted to be. Not that I slept will all these guys I met, but I knew I could do it if I wanted to do so. So I had control and power over them. All I needed was my looks and a smile. So simple. With some of them I just played like an actress, flirting and teasing, dancing and smiling, having a good time and then just leaving without saying a word. It was my game, my decision, my call to say if I have sex with them or no. And most of the times I didn’t sleep with them at the end. I was in control, I decided what to do. And they were in my power. With some of them I did it but the whole thing was just a passionate illusion for the night. Now I am thinking about this time of my life. Is this something to be ashamed of, a bad part of my biography? And most importantly why did I do these things, why was I this way? About 2 years ago I shared my secret about the childhood sexual abuse with another person for the very first time. I...
Read More