Reclaiming My Life – Tara’s Story

Reclaiming My Life – Tara’s Story

Well I’m now 25 years old and last April I started a blog in which I chose to speak out about my abuse. I am a survivor of childhood molestation by my stepfather and my uncle. Before I had spoken out I was silent for over ten years. The reason I didn’t speak out when it first happened was for two reasons. The first is because when I told my mom that my uncle molested me she didn’t want to believe it since it was her brother. It went on for a few weeks. He would touch me in places he should not be touching and then he would kiss my lips. I didn’t know what was going on. I was never taught good touch bad touch. I thought it was ok for an uncle to treat you like that. I’m not sure when this happened but it was around the age of 9 or 10. I say that was the first person who abused me but it was actually the same time my stepfather started molesting me. It started one day when I was sick in bed and I needed some Vicks vapor rub to be rubbed on my chest and back. Since my mom trusted him she allowed him to rub it on me. He started to rub it on my chest and when he did that, he began to rub my nipples. I felt really uncomfortable but again I didn’t know that it was an inappropriate touch. After that I’m not sure what else happened. I only remember a few things that happened. The next abuse I remember was again when I was sick. My mom had gone to Florida to visit my sister. She left my brother and me home since we were in school. I had gotten sick and stayed home from school. I was in my parent’s room which was also the living room at the time. I was on the couch resting and trying to watch the television. He began to kiss me on my neck and then made his way up to my lips. Again I didn’t know how to react to that but my body deceived me at that moment. My body liked that attention even though I felt disgusted and scared. I didn’t know what would happen next. Then he would bribe me with money and sweets since I was still young. Again I’m not sure when it happened but it was around the age of 10 or so maybe younger. Anyway I believe it was that same that this next thing happened. I had gotten up to go to my room and he followed me. The next thing...

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Abuse Is Not Love

Hi. My name is not important but my story is to educate others. I’m sure there are a lot out people out there that are blinded by love like I was. I met a man eight years ago and fell in love and he was great. He liked his alcohol a lot and that was not so great but I learned to live with it. I also have a son who is thirteen now but was five then. My man adored me and would tell me how beautiful I was and how lucky he was and totally loved me. Whatever I wanted he made sure I had. It was almost pretty much every night he would be drinking and I would get real nervous because I never knew how he would be. He could be so drunk and want sex and I would just let him because I didn’t want to fight. I have had to fight him before or just try to avoid him and pray he would pass out. One night, about four years ago, he got really drunk and he wasn’t himself and he forced himself on me and tried to choke me because I was fighting him. He said I wasn’t going anywhere he also told me he would kill me. I was so scared. He sodomized me and ripped my underpants. I was the most afraid I had ever been.  The next day his sister and son called the cops when they found out. He did about a year, maybe less. He cried and said “I will never do it again, I love you, I’m sorry. You are my baby girl and I will get help” so I believed him and I loved him.  When he got out, he got help and four years probation.  It was great. We were doing really good.  When his probation was over, his drinking started again. One day, I was at work and his mother came to see me. I didn’t know what to think, I was like what now? She had my son with her and they said they had something they had to tell me. My son said “he has been touching me”. My heart broke into a million pieces and anger brewed. I went to the Sheriff – this had to stop.  He got ten years in prison and I got therapy and medication.  It just goes to show that they can tell you they love you a million times and shower you with all the gifts in the world but there are other ways to show love. What my son and I went through is not one of them. Read more survivor’s stories… Read our Commenting...

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Damaged Child – Lisa’s Story

I am almost 50 and am just recently learning how to deal with my abuse and how to be a survivor I was abused by my brother at a young age. He is 10 years older than me so my parents would let him babysit me. I’m not really sure of the time frame but I do know that it was before I was 10. We (he) did get caught by my mother and that was what put an end to it. To the best of my knowledge he never received any help, and I know that I didn’t. It was never even discussed. My parents died when I was 14/15, so I never had the chance to learn anything about it after I began acknowledging it. I had a hard time, did some bad things; drugs, drinking, and subsequently was disowned by the rest of my surviving family. That includes my brother, his wife, my aunt and uncle who finished “raising” me, and my grandmother. My brother went on to sexually abuse his daughter and to behave in all kinds if deviant sexual behavior. Luckily she did get help at 17 and now, at 34, is much better adjusted than myself. My point in my story is that it is of the utmost importance to talk and educate about this. It should not be a silent secret. So much potential damage to the child my be avoided if help is sought quickly. Lawmakers need to address this issue and change laws. Don’t be afraid to speak out. Read more survivor’s stories… Read our Commenting...

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Abused by Robinson

The following post is graciously shared by Geoff Smith, a survivor, whose testimony in the 2010 trial of Father James Robinson helped convict and sentence the priest to 21 years in jail for molestation. It is the first post from his own blog, www.abusedbyrobinson.com, which he began after the trial in an effort to tell his story and reach out to other Survivors.   Having been abused as a child I’ve spent all my life looking over my shoulder, searching for the reasons for what happened to me. I’m now 61 and have had a wonderful life. I’m married to Jill, I have three step children and three grandchildren. I am so proud of them all. I’ve made many mistakes, said many things that I can’t take back and hurt some of the closest people in my life. I have had a life of anger and I now realise I’ve got a big mouth. But, the most important thing that I’ve learned over many years is that I am not as hard as I thought I was. All my life I have been wearing armour to protect myself from other people. Yet through these last two years I have had to come to terms with my past, my relationship with my brothers and my mother. My father is dead. He died never being proud of anything that I ever did and I couldn’t do anything to make him proud. Over the last three years I’ve done, in my opinion, two of the proudest things that I could have ever done as a man and a son. But my dad is dead and I can’t tell him. I saved a life and I went to court for justice; not only for me, but for the other five “victims.” I have spent months awake; worrying, crying, traumatized by events beyond my control. I got through it, coming out of the darkness a better person. The aim of this blog is to tell the world what happened to me; the truth, not just a piece of fiction. I am determined to fight for the abuse to stop. Today, child abuse is at a greater level than ever. Ok, the TV and the internet help to get the message out, but they are also the vehicle of its distribution. I believe that it is getting worse. I hope that my story will help people come to terms with what happened to them, give them strength to come forward. You are not alone. I know, take it from someone who knows; you are not alone. I have never had one day counselling, enough people have tried to get me to. But to me that...

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When Your Abuser Reaches Out to You Again

When Your Abuser Reaches Out to You Again

 Are you condemned to be yourself? I thought this is all behind me. I thought I am stronger than this. I thought I am just so over the sexual abuse that happened to me when I was a child…I thought I won this battle by pretending the reason for it never happened. I struggled all my life with most common long-term effects of child abuse, such as: anxiety, depression, suicide attempt, poor self-esteem, many and confusing relationships, alcohol, lack of trust and always lots of fear. But I always wore that mask showing to the world that I am a happy person that is always positive. Ready to help. Ready to laugh. Only when people believed in this image they would never know my dark secret. And they believed. All my life. I was a very successful “actress.” Acting out that everything is fine until I go back home alone and just cry and feel and scared … I was so good in this performance, so many times I asked myself if the child abuse ever really happened. There were times when I didn’t believe myself or thought my mind is making this up. But why on Earth someone would make this up in his own mind? Nobody would want himself to suffer and go through this. I questioned my sanity sometimes. I thought what if this was just a bad dream or illusion? But it wasn’t. I tried to repress this memory and hide it so deep in my mind so when I questioned the facts I wasn’t even sure they were real. They were. No child would have such illusion. And so I didn’t. It was real. And the only way to escape from it was to pretend it never happened; to keep my life going. All the mistakes or bad decisions I took. of course about them I blamed myself. And the feeling of guilt about everything never left me. I didn’t know why I feel this way. Sometimes I thought if I am alive, and pretending to be happy, then I must be over this and perhaps it didn’t influence my life. I thought I must be such a strong person. And sometimes I thought how many bad things happened to me and how many bad decisions I took and still survived. I sometimes felt “impressed” how much someone like me could actually handle. I must be exceptional…I must be such a brave and strong person. This is what I thought…till about a month ago. I was at the University and just finished my first semester. My last exam was Philosophy and seemed to me so difficult. I was really worried. The exam was writing...

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