Damaged Child – Lisa’s Story

Posted by on May 3, 2013 | 1 comment

I am almost 50 and am just recently learning how to deal with my abuse and how to be a survivor I was abused by my brother at a young age. He is 10 years older than me so my parents would let him babysit me. I’m not really sure of the time frame but I do know that it was before I was 10. We (he) did get caught by my mother and that was what put an end to it. To the best of my knowledge he never received any help, and I know that I didn’t. It was never even discussed. My parents died when I was 14/15, so I never had the chance to learn anything about it after I began acknowledging it.

I had a hard time, did some bad things; drugs, drinking, and subsequently was disowned by the rest of my surviving family. That includes my brother, his wife, my aunt and uncle who finished “raising” me, and my grandmother. My brother went on to sexually abuse his daughter and to behave in all kinds if deviant sexual behavior. Luckily she did get help at 17 and now, at 34, is much better adjusted than myself.

My point in my story is that it is of the utmost importance to talk and educate about this. It should not be a silent secret. So much potential damage to the child my be avoided if help is sought quickly. Lawmakers need to address this issue and change laws. Don’t be afraid to speak out.

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1 Comment

  1. I truly believe that adjustment relies on so many factors. The fact that it was never talked about has a massive impact. Also the death of your parents at a crucial age. You sound much like myself. Without any support we struggle to heal.

    I am also struggling with addiction. I think that middle age is only making things worse. I have been in various types of therapy from the age of 12 years of age and am losing hope. I have made so many bad decisions and find myself living in a town where I literally have no one.

    I have always felt alone and misunderstood. To be honest I have only just realized through much research that I am not a total fruit cake or stupid like my sperm donor always told me. I find it hard to think of him as a father.

    It really is a life of struggle and pain, because of the lack of any kind of self love. How could we possible love ourselves when we were so badly treated and then unable to process feelings of abuse.

    I am so afraid that I will die the undignified death that my mother went through. Alcoholic dementia is horrific. My mother was my first abuser, but I understand why. Before her mind left her body she enlightened me and was eternally sorry. My abuse started before I could speak and if my mother was not as brave as she was I wouldn’t know why when I became a mother it filled me with terror.
    I still can’t stand the sound of an infant in distress.

    I am finding that my first sexual abuse experience is haunting me at the moment. I have never told anyone about that one, because I loved him and he died while I was still his girl. He was so kind to me and gave me attention. I think because he died of a brain hemorrhage, I have struggled to believe he and his brother did what they did to me. I only remember that I was around 5 and have a visual memory of being in their bedroom with them taking my knickers off. I spent a lot of time in that house. I have an incredible memory of their parents room. I know where the bed was, the window, wardrobe and dressing table. I woke up in that bed many times. That room is a clear as my own room as a child.

    I believe that you need to write your fragmented memories down. Even if they don’t feel real. There is a reason they won’t leave. I have probably just raved on. I hope you can see that you are not the only one.
    Being a child of swingers have left me bankrupt in everyday. There were so many perps that I am trying to deal with one at a time. One day at a time. It’s all we can do .

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