Trust No One
My name is Lexy and I was a victim of sexual abuse. I was raised by my single mother, who is only 18 years older than me. My dad was in my life. I saw him every other weekend. My mom became a police officer when I was 7 years old, and that’s when she met a fellow officer named Esteban. They dated until he proposed to her when I was 12 years old.
Esteban and I had a very strange relationship and it was very obvious that we did not like each other. He was very sensitive and acted like a baby when things didn’t go his way. After only a year of marriage and I was now 13 years old, my mom decided to go back to school to get her bachelors degree. This meant I never saw her because she worked during the day and went to school at night. Consequently I was left alone with Esteban.
One day he decided to start “play-fighting” with me. At first, it was innocent until I realized with each passing day it was becoming more and more inappropriate. He would touch my breast and my butt. He would open the door when I was in the shower and stare at me. When I would get out the shower, he would “wrestle” me because I was naked. I was petrified. This man was so much bigger and stronger. I couldn’t fight him off and believe me I tried.
Then he started walking around the house with his penis hanging out of his boxers and began to wrestle with me. He had a grip on my hair and pulled my face by his penis obviously to give him oral sex. I remember it was touching my lips and I was so disgusted that I bit it. He let go of me and screamed. I ran out of the house and went to a friend’s house.
The next day it got worst and it was steps away from penetration. I had a play to perform and my costume was a bit suggestive. I had a very short skirt on and a shirt that showed my belly. Esteban was furious when he saw the way I looked. As he was yelling at me, I decided to yell disrespectfully back at him because my mom was there. I wanted my mom to yell at me so I can just grow balls and tell her what he has been doing to me for a month. But she didn’t yell at me.
That night I slept over at my best friends house and told her everything. She gave me a lecture about him going all the way and what if I got pregnant. She also mentioned the fact that my mom was going to try and get pregnant that summer. If this is how Esteban treated me, what if he did this to his own children, aka my siblings.
At 1:30am I held my best friends hand and dialed my mothers number. She answered and I asked if he was back home from work yet and she said no. I began to tell her everything he was doing to me and how scared I was. She believed me right away and began to cry hysterically out of guilt. My mother never let me sleep over at anyone’s house — not even family members — because she didn’t trust anyone. My best friend was the only person at whose house I was allowed to sleep over, because her mother was single as well, so no men around.
Apparently that night, when Esteban came home, my mom assaulted him and kicked him out. He denied it at first but soon confessed. He admitted to being raped as a child by his priest so he was mentally unstable. When our story appeared in the newspaper, Esteban lost everything including his job as a police officer, his dignity and his reputation.
On August 8, 2005 we got a call that Esteban shot himself in the mouth at the lake and that he left suicide letters for his parents and sister. The letters stated that my mom was having an affair during their marriage and that she made me say those awful things about me. He assured them that he never touched me, although he admitted it to my mother and on paper to the police. People began to call my mom names and blamed her for his death; most of her police friends became enemies because they thought she was the devil.
I am now 22 years old now and learned from this experience, I have my own child now and one thing I will do is trust no one.
Lexy, Chicago, IL