Life as a Victim
My name does not change the content of the story so I will leave it out. I will start out with the basic facts of myself, I am a 21 year old male, I was abused by my older brother, who is 6 years older than me, when I was roughly 8 or 9 years old. I am not exactly sure other than the fact that he was old enough to babysit me while my parents went out.
The first time he molested me was when he was babysitting. It was later in the evening, because it was dark out. He sent me to my room because I had been “bad.” I went in my room and he followed a few minutes later. He shut off the light and told me to be quiet and he spit the words, “You can’t tell anyone about this.” He then started to feel me up and get aroused. He then started to have sex with me, he would always remind me, “Don’t tell anyone.”
I lived in this fear and didn’t dare say anything about it. This went on for probably about a year. When he wanted to do his thing he would tell me go wait in my bedroom, which was at the end of the hall. I would go hide behind his bed and he would come in do his thing and leave, then I would come out a little while later. He did this when he was babysitting until one summer when a relative, who was just a few years older than my brother, asked me a question about performing oral sex on a guy. I said, “No,” but he sensed that I was lying and somehow got it out of me. I then told him that I did to my brother.
I’m not sure if he talked to my brother or not. It was after this that the physical part of the abuse stopped. I am unaware if my brother has gotten help. As for me, I have not. To this day I have not told anyone about my experience, but I feel that my brother has some sort of pull on me. That is to say, if he wants me to do something, I somehow end up doing it.
I have mentioned to a few close friends that a family member abused me as a child. They do not know that it was sexual abuse. I am not sure if my parents would believe me or not. My brother now lives in a different state than I do, but I still live with the emotional scars of being abused. This is the first time I have ever spoken, or written of my experience as a sexual abuse victim.