Chocolates and Flowers
Twenty years ago may seem like forever to some, but to me the pain feels like yesterday. I was a single mother of two young boys and struggling in low-income apartments to just get by. My children had two different fathers, my oldest son’s father died in an auto accident. I was trying to get off welfare and become a financially secure so I was attending school during the day and working as a cocktail waitress in the evenings. This made me exhausted as I struggled to give quality time to my two boys.
It was like heaven sent that ‘Tim’ came into our lives to help me, I knew he had a huge crush on me, because he hung around our apartment all the time if he wasn’t inside visiting. He mostly gave attention to my oldest son, ‘Matthew,’ who adored him as ‘Dan’ would take him to school, babysit him and take him on special outings, just the two of them.
One day, ‘Matthew’ shocked me when he said, “Mommy, I don’t like it when ‘Tim’ makes me suck his penis.” I got so angry at ‘Matthew’ that I screamed, “‘Tim’ would never do such a thing, he goes to our church and helps mommy with everything!” I also took away all my son’s action figures for saying such an awful thing about ‘Tim.’ Nevertheless, I decided to tell ‘Tim’ that we needed a break, not because of what my son had said but because I was tired of my son crying when I left him alone with ‘Tim’ to go to work.
I eventually had to get a restraining order against ‘Tim’ because he was always lingering around our apartment. A few weeks passed and ‘Matthew’ again cried, this time because he couldn’t urinate. I took him to the E.R. and that’s when I was told my son had STD, he was 6.
It took me twenty years to be able to even talk about my son’s molestation and I knew I would write a book about it never realizing that in doing so, my own haunting childhood memories would take over and write for me.
It was the worst year (writing) in my life as I was suicidal but something happened when the book was published, I recovered and have accepted the fact that I could not have done anything differently. I wanted to share my story so that readers would know not to make the same mistakes I did as a parent.
Speaking about horrific crimes is difficult but being silent is what pedophiles count on and a child never lies about being sexually abuse. Boys are just as likely as girls to be molested. Becoming aware is prevention.
Jori, Modesto CA